Tales From The Crazy Side
by Phoenix To Flame
Summary: A story of a completely normal boy who's life is turning odd with his new job, and of his best friend, who's maybe the sanest out of his completely bizarre life. Probable KamuixKeiichi, other pairings yet to be decided.
1. Kamui to Keiichi

Omigawd, another story! This one was actually typed up in under an hour, it seems like it felt like it needed to be told, and right away.

So far the plan for this is to tell out adventures through letters, in a very different form than most of my writing. Truth be told, it feels like it'll be great fun and I'm looking forwards to doing more of it.

To add quick warnings here, crazy uncanon pairings, lots of seriously taken silly stuff, incest vibes (although no actual incest) and Kamui not being remotely polite.

* * *

Hi Keiichi. Thank you for your last letter. I'll admit, I'm bad at actually keeping up with them, but I'm trying, because honestly, sometime things need to be written.

I'm sorry to hear that your cat ran away. Have you seen her anywhere around the neighborhood? Dad suggests leaving cat food out for a couple of hours or so in the evening and watching for her to see if she comes to the bowls. You probably won't see any cats for the first couple of days, but they'll be watching. He was training to become a zookeeper before he got into the family business and he still has a lot of memories of things like how to coax out animals who refuse to eat around humans, since while they're comfortable and trusting and eating, it's easier to make sure that they're doing things like taking their medicines. Also, congratulations on the new job! I hope it all goes well for you and the creepy receptionist isn't _too_ creepy. As long as you stay on her good side, when she inevitably snaps, she probably won't kill you.

Anyway, onto the things you asked me about. I'm doing fine, no job yet even though I'd had the offers, three from families with younger children who are just starting to get a grasp on English, and one for a family that has two delinquent teens that are deliberately flunking all their classes. I think they're hoping that I'll scare them into actually doing all their work. All of them would pay decently, but they really don't feel like the right fit yet. Guess I'll have to be patient, although Mom and Dad have no complaints about me staying around where they can find me easily, since the fact that Hokuto's in college and Kotori's leaving next month for her own is stressing them out. Who would have thought that Mom would turn out to be such a nested bird? Oh well, they'll have the twins for a while and they're actually still young enough to have one more kid if they really want one. This would probably scare the crap out of me if they did though.

As for the family question, well...that's got a _really _long answer behind it. I hope you have a couple of hours free to read through it. Well, it probably won't take that long if I don't get too distracted, but it's still a lot of stuff.

You know those families you see on the sitcoms, the ones that are all in the yakuza or are all psycho and stuff like that? The kind that are just unreal enough that you buy it in the show, but know that it doesn't exist in reality?

Well my family's like that. Honest, goodness for real like those. No, they're not part of the yakuza gangs around, in fact, the last time that one of them tried to harass my sisters, Mom made sure that the entire group would have no ability to do that ever again. She does stuff like that. It's kind of nice to know that she wants to protect us enough that she'd kill anyone who hurts us, but it's also really fucking creepy, especially when she decides to play guess whose head is whose by decapitating every single victim and then rearranging the heads skillfully enough that it's not exactly easy to tell that they were switched.

My father was mostly chagrined by this, and told her to go wash all the blood off of her before she came into dinner. But I digress, and I should stop getting distracted. How else will you be able to properly appreciate my family's craziness if you don't know anything about them?

My mother, Setsuka, and my father, Subaru, are both assassins for hire. How my dad ever got into this line of work, I have no clue. He's about the sweetest person in the world, who happily takes time out of his day to make sure that I'm doing okay. He knows that Kotori and I are not so psycho as the others, I think, and tries to make sure that we're not _too_ traumatized by everything that happens, although after twenty-two years of craziness, it takes a lot to freak me out.

Anyway, they're both assassins for hire, and during the peak of my dad's career, they were actually hired to kill each other. From what I can understand, it was kind of like Cupid and Psyche, Mom was about ready to stab him in his sleep, until he turned around, suddenly awake with his own knife, and I can actually understand why she stopped trying to kill him, because, (forgive the incest overtones, _I'm_ not the one who wants to sleep with my own father, but there's no other way to describe it), he looks, and looked then too, like a god, with a perfectly shaped face, alabaster skin, ebony hair and eyes so green that you could be lost in them.

According to the exact time that this happened, I turned out to be the proof of alliance for Mom and Dad, and they never took out a hit on each other again. In fact, Mom personally went and killed the man who had hired her to kill Dad in the first place. Which I understand he found both traumatizing and romantic, because that's his craziness right there.

He's mostly retired from the assassin life, since Mom's just more mentally capable of withstanding all of the blood and horror that tends to come with the life, and he's managed to raise all five of us to be at least competent and able to handle the world. Also to handle just about anything that can be used as a weapon, but mostly in the event that someone takes a hit on _us_ and he's not there to stop them.

So I was born straight to the day nine months after they met, and even though I have purple eyes, there's no way that I'm not my parent's child. And even though I could never be an assassin, I'm still glad I have the skills to use the weapons I do, because I have to take care of my siblings as well. Crazy sounding, since three of them are more proficient with weapons than I am, and in Seishirou's case, that's downright unfair, but it's part of being part of this family. You always take good care of each other, even when you want to strangle them for being stupid.

A year and a half after I was born, my sister Hokuto came around. She's the only girl in our family who's going into the business, and she's in college for fashion design as well. I _think_ her plan as she described it to Mom was that if she seemed to be a harmless clothes maker by day, then she'd be less suspicious to those around her, but her actual reasoning is an assassin has to be dressed in the latest trends before stabbing, or poisoning, or bleeding, or asphyxiating, or talking to death her hits. Despite the fact that she tends to be loud and sees _way _more than she should, I'm actually really fond of her and she's about the only person besides Dad and Kotori who won't be attacked if she bothers me while I'm angry.

Kotori's...well she's technically adopted, but due to the circumstances behind it, I don't even consider her anything but my blood sister. When I was five and Hokuto was three and a half, a woman came and tried to kill us, probably in revenge for a hit that Mom had taken out. I can actually remember it a little, waking up because I could hear someone scrabbling at the window, and then waking up Hokuto so we could hide under my bed, because it was scary, and I had my knife at the time, and then- everything breaks up a little bit, but I remember golden curls and wild eyes and how she threw knives so deep into my bed that the tip of one of them cut my cheek open, and then Dad, angry like I've never seen him before, with a wakizashi that I only ever saw then, (and I'm good at snooping through his stuff), and he actually beheaded her so that her bright hair was spinning drops of blood onto Hokuto, who had started to cry from terror. Then he coaxed us out from under my bed and we spent the next two months sleeping in Mom and Dad's bed instead of our own room.

Anyway, the next morning, while Hokuto was still asleep, he did some research into her and discovered that she was a low-ranking assassin whose wife had been killed by another assassin who Mom later killed because _that _assassin (see, this life gets complicated in a hurry) was threatening to hunt down Subaru, and although he didn't know of us, it's quite certain that we wouldn't have been allowed to live if he'd known of our existence, and, being the kind of terrifying mother that she is, she killed him and made an example out of him on the Tokyo Tower, where she wrote in bright red paint that any assassin who made the same mistakes he did would receive the same punishment.

Going back into the Dad doing research on her thing, he discovered that she'd had a daughter out of wedlock, who was about eight months old. Promptly realizing that he'd now left that little girl orphaned and alone, he took us with him to her house, which I recall as being pretty ramshackle, but Dad says it was actually a pretty nice house, so I'm not certain, then went inside, and within five minutes, brought out a little girl (who I thought was younger than she was because she was so tiny) with the beginnings of her own golden curls and who was cooing happily at the man who was basically talking almost nonsense at her.

So Kotori was adopted in, and I decided that since she was now the baby of our family, and tiny as anything (even _Mom_ thought she was tiny, and well, Mom barely scratches five feet in high heels), that it was up to me and Hokuto to protect her from everything. And she doesn't remember her mother at all. Dad's told her that she was adopted when she was a baby, but she's been so happy here, and since he said that her mother died, she's never felt a lack of being wanted in this household. Which is good, because at the worst of times, she keeps me sane. She's going to go to an art college this spring, and while I'm happy that she'll be able to pursue a life that will make her happy, I'm also really worried because I won't be there to protect her from creepers. And she's so tiny and pretty that they will bother her. Which worries me even more.

The last two are actually significantly younger than us, and that's cause Mom and Dad decided that three children was probably enough since Dad was doing all of the caring for us as it is, and so they weren't expected.

There was a period of time where Mom went missing when I was nine, and missing long enough for no reason that Dad kind of freaked out, putting every available resource he had into finding her. I started to take on some of the job of being the parent, and so Kotori was being silly about how she had two moms and two dads because Hokuto and I were determined to make sure that she was okay while everything crazy was happening. Eventually, he discovered that she'd secretly taken on a really hard job overseas, and spent another month angsting and worrying about it because while her dying while on the mission was a risk, him interfering would make it a certainty, and when she contacted him after seven months of nothing, I swear he almost fainted from relief. He's really not cut out to be an assassin or an assassin's husband, I'm pretty sure he's given himself ulcers from all the stress already, and Seishirou's not making it any easier on him.

So Mom comes home, and needless to say, they're pretty happy to see each other, if you pardon the entendre, I _really_ don't want to go into more detail because I _like_ what little sanity I have left, and eight months after that, I have two little brothers.

Fuuma, he'd be more annoying if he wasn't such a dork at heart. He likes to try and tease me about being such a stick in the mud, but it's kind of hard for him to succeed when I can honestly tell him things like that I changed his diapers and that when I was twelve and he was two, he was always asking for me to pick him up and carry him around because I was his favorite sibling. Despite him being equal parts teasing jerk and silly dork, I actually do love him and I'll still take care of him when he needs it, although he's gotten a little more defensive of it as he's gotten into middle school. I don't entirely blame him because it probably is a little embarrassing to him to have three devoted older siblings, two of which have threatened to personally kill some of the kids bullying him, (in my defense, I _really_ don't take it well when anyone pushes around my siblings. Sue me, but it's my job to keep them safe), so I don't get too overbearing on him when it's the wrong time. Kotori's good at soothing those flames, and since she can do that, I can spend more time giving _myself_ ulcers over Fuuma's twin.

Seishirou is the baby of the family, being the younger of the twins, and is completely attached to Dad in ways that are going to cause them problems any day now. He's actually gotten the most assassin talent from both of them, and he's incredibly gifted in looks as well, so he's got the advantage there. But he's _obnoxious_. Hokuto's better at putting up with him than I am, because often when it's just the two of us, things tend to blow up like a barrel of flour, but even she admits that he has quite the attitude. Now some of it's probably from being the baby of the family, and knowing it because, well, he's the youngest and has always been a little spoiled, but somehow, he's got Dad and Mom wrapped around his pinky finger to an extent, and he's used to getting his way for the most part.

I don't appreciate the attitude that I get from him about this, and there's been more than once where we've ended up throwing sharp objects at each other because of it. Sue me, I can't actually get along with him. Of course, if push came to shove, I'd still protect him because he's my little brother, but _damn_ he can be an asshole. And he's only twelve, I'm terrified of what will happen when he starts going through puberty. Needless to say, it'll be crazier than usual around her.

Now I could leave, I could move out. I got my degree in teaching English, and I've received several offers (mentioned above) from different families looking for an English tutor and bodyguard in one, but I haven't accepted any yet. Despite the fact that it might kill me here, I don't want to leave until I'm certain that all of my siblings are safe and happy. Even Seishirou.

So that's my family, crazy though they all are. And somehow, it works. We haven't killed each other yet, there's an undeniable bond even when we're considering killing each other from the amount of headaches we give each other, and- well I'm going to have to stop writing here because I think I can hear Seishirou possibly blowing something up in the kitchen. Third time this week too. He should just admit that he can't cook and let himself reheat food in the microwave.

Until next time,

Sakurazuka Kamui.


	2. Keiichi to Kamui

I am having way too much fun with this to let it die easily, it's such a refreshing change from most of the things that I like to write.

Time for Keiichi's reply!

* * *

Hey Kamui!

Aw, it's alright if it takes a little while for you to write another letter, from the sounds of it, things have been pretty crazy on your side.

Tell your father 'thank you very much' for the cat hunting tips! I didn't see her last night when I was trying, but I _did_ catch a glimpse of her this morning, hiding under one of the bushes at my neighbor Kinomoto-san's house. He's offered to keep an eye out for her if she comes begging around his or my door while I'm at work and his little girl (she's only four, and has the biggest green eyes I've ever seen) smiled and told me that her big brother (who was running out the door to get to school) is the best cat catcher in the world. She's so adorable, and they're all just the best neighbors to have around. I'm going out again in about an hour to wait for her again, and I think she'll come around. Despite being the masterful escape artist that she is, I really don't think she's going to like it raining on her, especially when I have the house open for her.

Haha, I don't think Yatouji-san is going to kill anyone right now. Ruin their credit by hacking their computers, maybe, but it seems like actually killing anyone is more than she'd like to do. I actually got to talking with her a little bit yesterday, and it turns out that she's taken this job to try and save up enough money to go to medical school, and she wants to be a surgeon as soon as possible. Now while she can't smart her way through the practical training, she is intelligent and driven enough that she might very well be able to realize that dream as soon as she can afford it. A bit of a waste of her computer hacking talents, but they don't seem to make her very happy. And her life isn't mine to decide what to do with, so all I did was wish her much luck in achieving her goal.

She actually looked really surprised when I told her that, I wonder why. Now that I'm writing this, she seems a little lonely. Maybe I'll talk to her again tomorrow, work withstanding.

We had a couple crazier clients come by yesterday. Now we're a pretty small business, there's me, Yatouji-san who does all the receptionist and secretary work, often at the same time, and then Kanoe-san who does most of the web design, and Kigai-san who does the rest of it, and teaches me on the side, although it's confusing how he seems to have the time to spend three or four hours teaching me the basics, doing another five or six hours worth of work and still manages to take a two hour lunch. Maybe he has robots to do the work...Anyway, not being _too_ distracted, we had a woman who showed up, ignored Yatouji-san, gave Kanoe-san a death glare and then tried to flirt with Kigai-san to give her a free really expensive website (and even though I've only been at this job for two weeks, I can tell that it's the kind of site that runs somewhere around a hundred thousand dollars at the cheapest!) without really paying attention to the fact that Yatouji-san was giving her a glare that could have leveled cities! At last Kanoe-san managed to break through and tell her that if she wanted to pay Kigai-san in sex for a website, she could do it on her own time and not company time, and the woman threw one of Kanoe-san's snowglobes at her. It missed and shattered against the wall, and she wasn't hurt by it, thank goodness, but it really sucks that it broke at all. I thought that one was really pretty.

Kigai-san escorted her out and returned with the air of someone who had just taken out the trash, and then Yatouji-san stopped scowling quite so fiercely. But I did spend an hour picking up the glass shards out of the rug, and even after serious vacuuming, there was still glitter there. Kanoe-san seemed sort of melancholy for most of the afternoon, and didn't even make a comment about how I'm such a good boy when I told her that I'd picked up all the glass and vacuumed. She had taken the tiny model of Tokyo Tower and rinsed it off and had it sitting in front of her desk though. I guess it meant a lot to her.

Anyway, the other client wasn't quite so nasty, he walked in and demanded to use our bathroom, but Yatouji-san talked him in circles until he left, until I caught him urinating in the parking lot instead. That was...decidedly unpleasant, and reminded me of college in ways. Fortunately, since it was lightly raining, I didn't have to actually mop it up. I would have done it if I'd had to, but there are a few things that I'd prefer not to have to do at such a quiet job.

Well the delinquent children one does sound like kind of a bad option to take- being that undoubtedly all of them are taller than you (no offense meant) and probably heavier too. I kind of get what you mean about wanting to find a job that has the right fit, but I don't know how easy it would be for you to find the right now. Maybe it's just because I'm not planning on being a tutor, but it seems to me that sometimes taking the jobs that aren't perfect because you need to do the work is a little more important than turning down perfectly good options. Of course, I'm not you and I can't really speak for you in this, but are you sure that not taking a job at this time is the best option?

And...wow, umm, that latter half of your letter kind of struck me speechless. Although it _does_ throw a lot of things into perspective, such as why everyone at college left you alone after you talked with them, and why you were so good at impaling that picture of Reed-san, if you were good enough to throw pencils an inch into cork board, you had to have learned how to throw things of near equal weight and size. I guess...the only thing I can do (since I assume you won't kill me for knowing this now) is to keep the secret. I mean, your brothers are only twelve, and even if you say Fuuma-kun and Seishirou-kun are more talented than you with weapons, it's better not to draw unnecessary danger to them.

So, if it's all right with you (and if not, just skip this page) I'm going to ask some more questions. Why do you not get along with Seishirou so well? It sounds like your mother is a little on the unbalanced side, is that true? How _did_ your father get into the assassination business (that sounds so _odd_ in my head) if he's the kind of person who wanted to be a zookeeper when he grew up? Have you ever killed anyone?

It just seems so...weird for lack of a better term, that my roommate and friend who was sarcastic and snotty and could bury pencils in the cork board so deep that no one could pull them out was groomed to be an assassin. Or at least, to have the skills to protect him should another ever try to take him down. It has to be a different life than the one I grew up with. You've met my mother, and really my whole life was like that, the kind that you don't really expect to see outside of the stories for children. But it sounds like you're actually pretty content with the life you have, difficulties with siblings aside, and so I really can't judge on the whole thing.

Well it doesn't actually really change anything in hindsight. You're still Kamui, you're still my best friend.

Okay, random freak out over.

So Hokuto-san's in college right now? What one, maybe I've seen her around? I know it sounds kind of odd, but I'd like to meet your family. I mean, I've never had siblings, and you had four. What's it like to have siblings, really? Aside from Seishirou being unable to cook

Maybe I can come over some weekend when Kigai-san and Kanoe-san go out of town to have a meeting with a client. Since it's such a small business, they usually just close it for the-

Sorry, my phone rang, and it was Kinomoto-san, saying that his son had caught one unhappy cream colored cat who was mewling desperately at the fish his daughter was holding! I'll close up here, since I kind of need to go get my kitty. She misses you, I know it.

It's going to sound a little pathetic, it's only been a month since we graduated, but I miss you too. Wow, this letter was kind of short compared to yours.

Until next time,

Segawa Keiichi.


	3. Kamui to Keiichi - 2

Well I have another two besides this one finished, and I am happy to say that after that first letter, everything's settling comfortably at around 1400-1500 words, which is much less stress on me since they seem pretty good at that length. One can only fit so many things into a letter before it gets ridiculous.

* * *

Keiichi.

It's great that you got her back! I hope she's adjusting well again to being an indoor cat, since, well, aside from this adventure, she's _always_ been an indoor cat. Tell her she's an idiot for me? I bet that Kinomoto-san's daughter's big green eyes have nothing on my dad's whenever we manage to disappoint him. Mom always caves in when he turns them on her, he just looks so vulnerable and sad. It's actually really funny, if he was any more able to manipulate people, he could probably get the key to the whole damn world with those big green sad eyes. Except that it would make him sad to use them that way, and well...I'm stopping there before I talk myself in circles. Anyway, your cat is an idiot for leaving your house and she knows it, and no matter how much she liked to stalk my feet while I was doing homework, it does not change the fact that she was an idiot. Oh, Dad says you're welcome by the way.

So wait, let me get this straight. Your serial killer in training receptionist is actually saving up money to go to medical school to become a surgeon? So she'll be getting better training in how to use knives? Better watch out, it's just a front so that you won't report her to the police before she gets started. I know, I have no right to talk, but I promise I only stab people if they harass my siblings, and only in the groin. It solves the communication errors quickly and effectively.

Also, from the fact that you're using Kanoe's first name, (and I can _tell_, I looked her up on line after I got your letter and it's her first name), I'm deducing that you have a crush on her. Please tell me that you're not sleeping with your boss, even if she's giving Hokuto bust envy. Actually, please do, because otherwise Hokuto's going to transfer colleges and find out how to get a 'job' there herself, and I do _not_ approve.

...stop laughing at me. I don't care if I can't see you, I know that you're laughing at me. And that you're not stopping. Stupidhead. You're worse than your cat.

Also I totally laughed hard enough to startle the twins when I read the other crazy client you had, Fuuma almost dropped the milk carton he was getting. I should get up early enough to surprise them more often, Seishirou makes great faces when annoyed and pissed off. Of course, Mom sent me back to bed because I'd only slept for an hour and she didn't want me giving Dad a headache, but I'm a healthy just out of college twenty year old whose still living with my parents! Of _course_ I have the right to sleep like an idiot and freak the shit out of my siblings!

Sadly, she didn't agree with me about this, and so she sent me to bed, and then threatened to send Kotori in if I didn't sleep all day. Damn Mom, she knows all my secrets.

Speaking of Dad, I've been a bit worried about him recently, he's been looking pale, and he no longer does things like show off his knife skills when asked while cooking. It might be nothing, but would you ask your surgeon to be if there's any conclusive identifications of illnesses to be that can be diagnosed from not showing off when begged by his children, and being pale all the time? I know that it isn't that Mom's pregnant (thank _God_), because she's actually been watching him too. Okay, yes something's wrong. I just have no clue yet.

Oh, I did some checking in on the delinquent family after you speculated on it last time, and damn it, how do you _always_ call it? Even the _girl_ was taller than I was! But I got another offer, and even though it's a little odd, I might take it. I want to meet with the family first though, so no promises on what's happening next.

Anyway, you decided to ask me a metric fuckton of questions in the last letter, so I suppose I'd better get on them. Also, the pencil throwing thing is embarrassing. Stop mentioning it. Haha, you're going to make my letters so long, that's not fair. Either write more or stop asking so many questions.

The reason why I don't get along with Seishirou so well is because I'm me and he's himself. We get along as well as fire and oil do on a regular basis. Flames everywhere. Okay, that answer was short. Good.

Would you like me to put it in perspective on Mom's craziness? Okay, so I kind of mentioned the Tokyo Tower incident, that was embarrassing. But when she proposed to my father (cause he'd never manage to do it), she did it by _presenting the head of her clan of assassins that had been strongly advocating against them being together while still covered in the brains of every single other person in the clan who didn't agree with her. _This was roughly everyone. And here's where Dad gets crazy, he thought it was sweet. Also crazy, and he admits that he would have preferred a ring for the proposal rather than a severed head, but he quite seriously thought it was sweet. So yes, she's a little on the unbalanced side. Very sweet at her best times though.

And as for how Father got in, well he doesn't talk much about his past, even when tricked into it, but from what I've gathered, he never knew his parents, was raised by his grandmother and twin sister at the same time and while they were all from the oldest clan of assassins that wasn't my mother's, they wanted to keep him and his sweet self out of the business. Despite the fact that his sister had no true talent for it, she learned how to be the assassin in his place so she could protect him. But it wasn't enough, and one day he came home and she and his grandmother were dead, with only the assassin who killed them's knife buried deep in his sister's chest as a hint of where to get revenge. And as for what happened afterwards, he will not talk about it, he just says that he went a little mad, and learned how to kill to get justice for them. Studying newspaper trails, I can only see that he was there for their funeral, and then he _vanished. _What I'm _guessing _happened, is that he found an elder assassin who trained him how to do it, and the first time he appeared in any paper record since then was a report of the assassin who'd killed his family (Setsuka's mother) who had the knife that had killed his sister buried in the exact same place that she'd left it on his twin; buried so deep in her heart the hilt was sinking through her body. After that, well when you make your mark like _that_, there's not really a good way to go off and be a zookeeper any more.

I asked him once if he regretted not getting that chance, and he told me that he didn't think he'd be as happy without me and my siblings. I really did (and still do) feel flattered by that, but at the same time, I felt like he was dodging the question. He's actually scarily good at it. He can't lie to save his life, but if he can dodge the question, he will.

And last on that list, no. I've never killed anyone, and I don't have any aspirations to. If I have to to save a life, I will, but I'd rather not. Once you kill someone, you carry that weight forever, you can't forget. Unless you decide to be a monster. I won't be.

And Hokuto's way up north, now that I see your other questions. I can't recall the name of the college, but considering that she's been staying there even when it snows, she must like it. Although I have _her_ latest letter too, and if these comments on strip clubs are anything to go by, I may have to stage an intervention and go up there myself. My little sister does not belong in a strip club!

And what's it like to have siblings...well that's kind of a difficult question really. It can be annoying, and tiring, and they're always in your way. But even though they can be aggravating, I certainly wouldn't give mine up.

Maybe Seishirou if he keeps trying to steal my knives though. He's not allowed to get into them. He has his own. Fuuma got this lesson down before he was old enough to _hold _knives, I don't get why Seishirou doesn't seem to.

If you want to come see us, just give us enough warning that we can pick you up at the station on time. Mom won't care and Dad will be happy for the sanity. As long as you remember to not completely overwhelm him with energy. Also Hokuto's coming down for a weekend pretty soon, I'll have to check with Dad and see which one.

It'll be nice to have you around again. Bring your cat.

Until next time,

Sakurazuka Kamui.


	4. Keiichi to Kamui - 2

Little bit shorter than the past two, but it seems to be pretty comfortable at this length, so I'm not to worried about it. Also, the next two that have already been finished are longer, so...awesomesauce.

* * *

Hey again, Kamui!

I did tell her that she was an idiot for you, and she only purred in response, so I don't think she was too bothered by it. She's been spending a lot of time in the windows since I got her back home, but seems content to just watch. Which gave a couple years back to the ones she stole when she ran away. I think getting rained on twice was more than enough for her.

You're really set on Yatouji-san being a budding serial-killer, aren't you? She's actually pretty nice under the well displayed disdain for most of humanity, and just takes a while to warm up to people, so I don't think she's going to kill anyone. She's not that kind of girl at heart.

Also, I'm not even addressing that comment about stabbing people, I refuse to reply to it. You know me, I can't even watch a horror film by myself.

And no, I don't have a crush on Kanoe-san. I address her by her first name because she simply doesn't answer if I use her last name or call her by her title. She's a little odd like that, but since Kigai-san and Yatouji-san also do it, I can only assume that she's like this for everyone. Judging from what you've said about your sister, I doubt that there would be anything other than an minute's admiration of each other between them. They're just very different people.

And yes, I am laughing at you. So there. No, actually I'm not, you seem to have me mistaken for you. Which, I guess, other than you being the eldest child of a family of assassins and sullen and cranky and impossible and very difficult to pull away from your emo clouds of doom whenever frustrated, and short with black hair and violet eyes, is a really easy mistake to make. (I kid, I kid)

You know, I think I prefer talking in real life to talking in letters, there's just so much that can be mistaken when read by itself.

And I agree with your mother, you shouldn't only sleep for an hour. Even if being a graduated college student still living with your parents. And on the subject of your father...I asked Yatouji-san if there was anything conclusive to be drawn from that, and she said that there's nothing that can point to a serious problem right now, but keep an eye out for more drastic changes in his actions. You know your dad very well after all, and while he may not be telling you if something's wrong, you should trust your instincts.

I don't always call it, but there are patterns that are pretty easy to recognize after being acquainted with them several times. Like in the instance of that delinquent family, your descriptions of them gave me all I needed to know on average. Tell me about this new offer? And odd in what way?

You could always ask me more questions too. Although my life isn't so interesting as yours, but I'm happy to answer any questions that you may have. I like hearing about your life though. And the pencil throwing thing is actually kind of fun.

That...kind of makes sense, the two of you have contrasting personalities, but you two are siblings. Shouldn't it be a little easier to get along then?

I...uh...that is crazy. And bloody. You're right, your parents are crazy. At least they didn't pass it down to anyone. As far as I can tell. Is this what normally happens when assassins decide to get married?

And I...wow. That's actually really sad. (I can't find a better word to describe how I feel about it) It really can't be easy to have already lost your parents, and then lose the rest of your family in one blow just like that. If it were me...I don't know if I could _do_ the same, but I'd _want_ to. I wish he could have had a happier life though, one without revenge killing.

Well I dodge questions too, if I don't want to answer them. I think it's politer than outright lying, or being rude to someone else in the effort of not saying something. And I know I wouldn't be as happy if you weren't in my life, so I think that I really can't judge him for that answer. People are special.

Oh good. I mean, not that I'd stop being your friend if you had, but it's kind of nice to know that you haven't killed anyone. Since well...I wouldn't really know what to think of you, if you had killed someone and acted like you normally do. Bleh, scratch out that last part, I couldn't even figure out what I was trying to say anymore, I think the road between my brain and my pencil got a little stuck.

She is twenty, isn't she? You can't actually stop her from going out and having a life, she's old enough to get drunk legally now. And besides, if she's only watching, she's not doing. Does that help? Anyway, sounds like she's probably having a great time, so you don't need to worry _too_ much. Besides, if you went up there to try and stop her, who would take care of the rest of your family?

So in other words, you love them all to bits, and even when they're annoying you, you don't care enough to try and change anything about them. Besides, I do know you, you always get ruder to people that you like unless they can't actually handle the rudeness. Which means that you think a lot higher of Seishirou than you're willing to admit.

Have you considered the possibility that he wants you to pay attention to him, and since you're kind of rude at the best of times, doing things to make you angry will make you focus just on him? I know I only took one semester of psychology classes, but it sounds pretty plausible to me. And where do you _keep_ your knives if he can find them enough to try and steal them?

Well I won't get vacation time for another two months at least, so nothing can happen on my part till then. Which is sad, because I'd love to meet your sister too. Maybe I'll talk to Kanoe-san and see what I can do, but I'll need to know what weekend to go there first.

Why are our letters getting shorter? Clearly we need more to talk about!

And I will bring Nekoko-chan if I can, she's still not very fond of trains.

With best wishes,

Segawa Keiichi.


	5. Kamui to Keiichi - 3

I managed to catch Monday before the whole thing slipped away and I failed to update. Success!

Slightly longer than last one, which is always good. And some threads of what's going to happen are starting to come into play...

* * *

Well it's been long enough that I suppose I should actually get down to writing this letter...

Good girl. Well, not on the just purring for being stupid, but the not going back outside. I guess she'd forgotten how much she didn't like it since the first time you found her, didn't she?

But how do you _know_ for certain that she isn't going to be one? It's always the quiet ones...(ignores all of your psychology classes and the fact that you actually know her) Also, since it's always the quiet ones, that still means that Dad is the most dangerous in the world. Cause sometimes he's just so quiet that he seems to completely vanish entirely. And I don't mean just how often he talks, but he never makes a sound even when walking on the squeaky stairs. Which makes hiding things rather difficult cause you just don't know that he's there until he says something.

I do know you. And your horror film troubles. Are you still scared of the ghosts coming out of the movies and haunting you? Cause I'll protect you from them with Mom's fans if I have to. She'll probably kill me for taking them, but a man's got to make sacrifices.

Well Hokuto is...Hokuto. And she's impossible to describe beyond that. You have to meet her in order to understand. But I'll take your word for it that they wouldn't be compatible. Not that it would _stop_ Hokuto if she really felt like she wanted to try, but at least it would implode pretty quickly. Also you have a weird boss. And you are going to tell her I said that.

Well I think it would raise _really awkward questions _if I happened to be average height, and blond. After all, I just wouldn't look like part of this family, who seem to range between really tall, and really short, although I guess that Hokuto and Dad are pretty close to average, (they're both five-eight) so maybe people would buy the height. But for some reason, unindoctrinated people make the stupid error of assuming that Kotori's my girlfriend. And Hokuto likes to tease them. Or, at least she did before we all started going off to college. It's been different since then. I guess we've grown up enough that it's no longer fun in the same way. And I am not an emo cloud of doom. That would require me to do more angsting.

Well yes, there is a lot that can be mistaken. Which is why you should move here.

Who said that _you_ were allowed to mom me as well? It's disturbing enough when my actual mother does it! Besides, I'm twenty two. I'm old enough to make my own stupid decisions, thank you very much.

And I'll keep watching, see if I can notice anything more defined than pale and out of sorts for him. It might just be that he has a cold, or Mom's going on another long scary assassin trip and he's already worrying about her, so I don't know if I really should be too worried just yet. But I'll still keep looking.

...you do know everything. Confess your omniscient abilities, and maybe I won't throw pencils at you! Anyway, silliness aside, there's two kids, a boy and a girl. The boy, Nataku, is about eight years older than his sister, but it doesn't really seem to make a difference when they're playing together. The interesting thing is, he's deaf. Can't hear a thing, never could. So he signs with everyone, and he's wanting to learn how to write in english as well as japanese so that he can talk to more people online. Kazuki (the little girl) can hear just fine, but she almost never talks, cause she's always signing for Nataku's benefit, and the grandfather (don't know what happened to the parents, not my business) is concerned about her going into primary school next year and having to adjust to a life where hearing and talking is more important. So if I take the job, I would be teaching Nataku how to read in English, and write it too, and I would be teaching Kazuki english at the same time as encouraging her to talk more often. And since I can't sign worth a damn at this time, they'll be teaching me back, which I've heard is a good way to get them engaged in the learning to begin with. They can't pay a lot, but I'm not really worried about money. As it stands...I want to take the job, I just haven't decided if I should yet.

I don't get why you find it so fun. I can throw many things better than I can pencils. It's just something I do when I'm annoyed. Anyway, questions. How's your mother doing? Is she still spoiling you from far away? Did you convince her to get her own cat yet? How about Kusanagi-sensei? Is he still the only person near the campus who can catch my pencils before they hit anything? And would you tell me more about your coworkers? Because their website isn't very informative on what kind of people they are. And I like hearing about your life, it's so normal.

Well you'd think that, but no. It's not. Seishirou always does stupid things just to annoy me and then goes crying to Dad when he suffers the consequences of attempting to steal my things. He used to be a really cute kid, always toddling after the first person he saw and demanding to be picked up. I don't get how he grew up to be such a brat.

Usually assassins don't marry other assassins, let alone the last of a family they've long had a feud with. And as for the craziness, Hokuto and Seishirou _probably_ have it, but the rest of us are pretty sane.

I do too. But he doesn't seem to regret too much of his life, and I know that he is very happy with his family. It makes me wonder if Mom would have noticed him without everything that happened between them though. Dad...he's not the type of person to kill unless there's no other choice. I'm pretty sure in his life that his kill count is still in single digits. But if there's one way to push him to that anger, it's threatening all of us. He will not let us be hurt if there's anything at all that he can do.

I am _not_ ridiculously flattered by that answer, I'll let you know now before you start making any snotty comments, but I do agree that I wouldn't be as happy if you weren't in my life. I need more sanity around. And most people are special. In that incredibly stupid way that involves them walking in front of traffic.

I can tell. Anyway, should someone attack any of my students or family, I will kill to protect. I know I can take that step, I just don't think it's that likely that it will happen. I mean, Kotori can strangle almost anyone with piano wire, even though she looks like a tiny baby bird, but she's not about to go and kill anyone. But there are times when there simply isn't any other choice that doesn't involve killing.

I don't care if she's twenty, she's my little sister and I don't want her going in strip clubs. Although I will concede the other point to you. But she still doesn't belong in them, and I'm going to lecture her for it when I see her next, since she can't change the subject so easily when she's not on the phone.

Are you calling me a tsundere? Because if you are, you still watch too much anime and your psychology classes failed in drumming that out of you. And I'm rude to people who deserve being rude to. Which sometimes includes you, depending on how annoying you're being today.

That would make more sense if it wasn't Seishirou we're talking about. You should meet him, then you'll understand properly. And I will never tell you where I keep my knives. I never tell _anyone_ where I keep my knives, and just because you're you, you can't wheedle it out of me.

I'm not keeping them in a stupid place though.

I asked Dad, and he says she's coming down the last weekend of next month, so hopefully you can make it down by then. Yes. Talk to Kanoe, get that vacation time. Come for a week, at least. Maybe you'll even go home in one piece!

No we don't, you just need to tell me more about your life already. All I know is that everything's just fine aside from Nekoko being a stupid cat.

She can deal with the trains. If I can handle the trains, she can handle the trains. But Dad would be very happy to meet your silly cat. She'll probably enjoy him just as much.

Until next time,

Sakurazuka Kamui.


	6. Keiichi to Kamui - 3

Sorry for the delay! Having some internet troubles right now, so posting of this will be a little spotty right now. Rest assured that I'm having _way _too much fun with this to just let it die though.

Also, Nano starts tomorrow! Whoohoo!

* * *

Hello again Kamui!

I guess she did. She seems to be pretty content with staying inside for the time being, and I hope that it stays that way. She doesn't do well with being outside, especially when it starts raining. She's been eating more recently, I guess she's getting prepared for winter, since she's getting fat.

I take it that you have things that you want to hide from your father (besides your knives) that he's prone to seeing since he sneaks up on you so easily then? Oh great..now I've given myself an image of someone who probably doesn't look anything like your father, dressed entirely in black, stalking down a hallway absolutely silently. Why do I do this to myself? Please tell me that your father doesn't wear black all the time! But anyway, back to the conversation involving Yatouji-san, I am serious when I say that she wouldn't kill someone, just ruin their credit if they angered her enough. She doesn't seem to loath humanity enough to kill them, but as it goes, if you annoy her enough, she will make you pay. Literally.

Well since we left college, I have happily not watched a single horror film, and as long as you aren't allowed to bring your movies in my space, I will keep happily not watching them. And your mother...has fans? Ceiling fans? Paper fans? Hand fans? Screaming rabid fans? Also, you should leave them alone, since I would be very sad if she took them away from you because you stole them to protect me from something that doesn't exist.

I will take your word for it on Hokuto-san's case, since she sounds very...the word that comes to mind is _Omnipotent_, but I don't think that's quite right, since if she was, your life would probably be more up to her control than it already is. But since you were so concerned about Kanoe-san and Hokuto-san, is she...? And no, I won't. She doesn't know that you exist beyond letters that make me laugh on quiet days when no one comes in and all of the grunt work is done.

I wouldn't make that error, since unless there's something really wrong with your family (no offence) you wouldn't act like Kotori's your girlfriend. You always act like an older brother, now that I think about it, so it's going to be obvious that she's your sister. Why do people assume anyway? And your sister is kind of tall. You miss what you three used to have, don't you? I can tell. Well now I'm really looking forwards to when Hokuto-san goes back home to you all (not that I wasn't before), because you'll be happier. And that last bit is true, you're not actually all that angsty when you aren't missing people.

But I _liked_ it here in my cheap, nice neighborhood with my odd coworkers and strange tales of crazy people. You can move here instead, and terrorize the kids around with your glare. And fix my garden?

Well your mother is indeed entitled to mother you for as long as she likes, she is your _mother_ after all. And while you are old enough to make your own stupid decisions, you're also old enough to have grown out of that stage, hopefully. And since you're proving that you want to make them, I think I will have to add to the amount of mothering going around, just in case.

That's probably all that you can do. It really probably is nothing serious, and too much worrying will just make you sick instead. And ask them both if it does seem to be a little more serious than you thought. They will tell you if it is, right?

I'm really not omniscient. I told you, I just can recognize patterns easily. And please don't throw pencils at me, I don't want to find out what happens when you throw them at something that isn't cork board. And as for that job...(working up the right amount of energy)..._Take it_! I can't think of a better job for you to start out with, and they sound like good children. And you _want_ to take it, and I can tell by more that just the fact that you're admitting it, although that is a serious sign that you really do. But you won't get another chance for something as good as this for so long. So take it. Now. Or else. I will do something. Probably not too dangerous though. And you're still living with your parents, you can afford to take the jobs that don't pay an outrageous amount right now. Which is good for you.

Oh my, there are a lot of questions there! Besides, the pencil throwing is fun cause it just is. But if it's annoying you to have me keep bringing it up, I will stop. Anyway, onto the questions! Mother's doing fine, she's really happy at her new cooking job, it seems that her cheerfulness keeps either scaring the customers at first, or causing them to ask the waiters if she's always that happy, and they have to tell them yes. And she is still, but mostly through making sure that I'm remembering to take care of myself, and asking after you every time she calls, which is roughly three times a week. And no, I haven't, since she's been getting things under control again at home. I'm halfway tempted to give her a kitten for Christmas, but I need to figure out if that is the best option really. And Kusanagi-sensei is doing well, he actually came in the other day, to ask for some help with getting his history website updated. I had the honor of handling nearly all of it, with some instructions from Yatouji-san on the harder parts. And they haven't replaced any of the teachers yet, so unless they've learned new skills, then yes, he's still the only one who can.

As for the question on my coworkers...what else do you want to know? Because I know all sorts of little uninteresting things, but I don't want to ramble _too_ much in this letter before it ends up ten pages long or something.

It really does sound like he's trying to get your attention, and frankly, considering what you have done when angry, I don't see how going to your father is necessarily a bad thing. Then again, I will need to meet Seishirou-san before I can completely assume his reasoning behind pestering you.

That's...a good point. But why would an assassin marry someone who wouldn't be able to defend themselves against another assassin should a hit be taken out on them to hurt the assassin? It doesn't make much sense. Then again, _most_ of that world doesn't seem to make sense when looked at it from outside.

So he's kind of like a swan? Not dangerous as long as you don't attack his mate or his chicks? Good to keep in mind, if I was ever in a position where I needed to hurt him. Which I sure as anything hope will never be a situation that I'm in. As for the comment on your mother noticing him, well there are stories of strings of fate that connect people throughout the worlds, and I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case for them.

You were "ridiculously flattered" by my comment, I can tell despite your protest. But thank you, it's very nice to know that our feelings towards each other are mutual. (I'd add some smilie faces, but they'd look really dumb next to all the normal writing)

...why do you have to keep lauding your family's ability to kill any and everything that annoys them? I didn't need to know that even your sister who you keep describing as a 'tiny baby bird' is capable of using something very strong and very sharp. I would have been very happy without knowing that. But then, since I keep asking you questions, I suppose I'm going to end up learning about it anyway. I do actually agree with you about how sometimes the only choice is to kill or be killed, but I'll always do my best to never be in that situation.

You still can't stop her from doing anything, and if Hokuto-san is as self-confident as you describe her, she probably isn't going to listen any more than she does when you call her. Some people are born with a certainty that they can do just about anything that they want, and since your sister can kill anyone who tries to hurt her, that probably doesn't help at all.

I did cut back on it after you convinced me to read Doubt! and Kuroshitsuji, since I wasn't particularly pleased with the adaptation of the latter after reading it, and the former gave me nightmares (which now that I think about it, might have been your goal) But even when I was more seriously watching them, I wasn't thinking about character archetypes and how they fit the people I knew, since that was a little distracting. And ouch. Although it seems like according to you, you're rude to everyone based on those rules.

I wasn't trying to, I was just asking a simple question, which you are allowed to ignore. And considering my plans that I'm enclosing at the bottom, that might be sooner than you expect.

So not under your bed, in your floorboards, or in your teacher's kit, right?

I did, and she says that it's fine, since she and Kigai-san will be away part of the week for a gathering of geeks, as she phrased it, and that it made sense to just give me the whole week, plus weekends off. Yatouji-san told me that I would still have to work on my lessons in design while I'm gone, so I'll be bringing my laptop with me. Now to start convincing Nekoko-san that she does want to come on the train with me...

You could always ask some questions, I don't mind answering as many questions as you can throw at me, so ask away!

Well considering that you handle the train by sleeping off the motion sickness while she handles it by being motion sick...she won't enjoy it at all, so I hope it doesn't bother her _too_ much while we're doing this trip.

See you in a month!

Segawa Keiichi.


	7. Kamui to Keiichi - 4

Just uploading this so I'm on time again. Nano is slowing down my pace on getting this story written, but it's like candy, I can't stop enjoying it.

* * *

Three weeks to go.

...Keiichi...I really don't want to have to ask you this, considering what's pretty likely after she was outside and alone for even just a couple days...but did you remember to get her spayed? I know that she wasn't _too_ loud when in heat, but a queen in heat is much more sneaky about trying to get out when she can smell unneutered males outside. If it what I'm thinking, since she's eating more, and getting fat, then you're going to have an easier time convincing your mother to get her own cat now.

A couple of things, but I've set up my room so that even if he's doing his silent walk thing, I still can hide them in my desk and on my computer so that he can't see. I love my desk. Anyway, he does wear black a lot, but as he put it, it's one less stressful decision in the day, since he can just put black and black together and get a nice outfit. If Hokuto makes him outfits or Mom insists on him wearing something different, he will wear them though. As for the image thing, well he has very warm green eyes, so unless your image has green eyes, I'm sure that that will reassure you. And he doesn't use knives very often either, only if he can't use his wakizashi. I'm not quite sure why he prefers a wakizashi since it's harder to conceal than everyone else's choices in weapons, but it suits him. His is _old_ anyway, and has lots of pretty kanji forged into the blade.

And please never let Yatouji dislike me, I like my saved up money.

Hand fans, with daintily painted silk, fine heavy dark wood for the base, and razor-sharp steel or (on her best fan) steel-reinforced obsidian tips. They always go with her kimonos, aren't ridiculously heavy, and despite them having steel, don't set off the weapons alarm. Even though she's made examples of stupid people before, she's not going to draw too much attention to herself. That's a good way to get killed. And she wouldn't actually mind if I took one of them, as long as I left her favorites alone. She has a lot of them. Sometimes she does fan dances, when she's not busy and in a good mood. Those are very pretty. And I promise I won't force you to watch any horror movies while you're visiting.

Omnipotent is a good word, even though I know that she doesn't know absolutely everything that happens. She just knows almost everything, so if you had any secrets you wanted to keep; kiss them goodbye now. Although she is tactful enough that she won't spill them without reason. And the only reason that I'm not completely her puppet is that she doesn't like doing that. I mean, she likes creeping the fuck out of creepers by completely verbally dissecting them, but she doesn't like controlling people without reason. And she's bisexual to answer your question, although I'm more inclined to think that she just likes pretty people, since she doesn't really seem to have a preferred gender. Then again, I'm not her, and unlike her, I don't know what goes on in everyone's heads.

Tch. You're too smart still. And most of the reason why everyone assumes it is just that Kotori doesn't look like the rest of us. So when Hokuto isn't there to toy with other's heads, I just tell them that she's my adopted sister, and they usually apologize for assuming wrong. Although there was the one time where someone decided to ask her out once he'd found that out, and got so creepy that I almost taught him what it was like to sing soprano without being born with the right vocal chords. But Kotori managed to fend him off before it got that violent.

I am not a gardener. I swear, plants shrivel up and die when I look at them too hard. If I decide that it's too hard to keep handling Seishirou, I will move out though. And mooch off of your hard work, since you're offering it.

You're missing the reason why Mom mothering me is creepy. She's not a very motherly person. My dad's the mother of the family, and he runs the house- somehow. And you're still not allowed to mother me.

Most likely. I am the eldest, and the only college-graduated adult of their kids, so I hope that they will. I really do.

Well then you'll be happy to hear that I start work for the first...four hours I think the amount of time it is- next week, and at least Nataku is already really looking forwards to it. Despite how much work has been done to make things better for the disabled in general, there really isn't enough help and attention given to those who need it to get a leg up so they can move on their own, and Nataku's been needing that help. Also, you know me far too well. But I don't think that there's anything I can do about that. Anyway, I'll tell you what it was like after I've been there for the first time.

Well I'm starting to feel like you're going to bring it up in every message, so I'd appreciate it if you could at least not use it every letter.

Oh good, she's as cheerful as ever then. At least she's in a place where she's not bombarding _me_ with the cheerfulness, I get enough of that from you. So she's an actual cook now, not just a dishwasher?

Ask her if she can handle a pet at all, and if she says yes, give her the kitten. Along with all the supplies, a litter box, food, dishes, a collar if she plans to let it outside, ownership papers...I don't even know why I'm advising you on this, I know you know all of this already.

Well that's good, since that means that you're learning something there. I kind of expected that. I mean, it's not unreasonable to assume that teachers can stop projectiles, but I suppose there's a difference between a piece of paper and a pencil.

Hmm...appearances, attitudes, relevant backstory, things I can blackmail them with if they bother you too much...that's a good start.

What do you mean "considering what I have done when angry"? I'm not _that_ bad. I swear, everyone's worse than me when they're angry. And yes, meet him first before assuming that he wants my attention and that's why he's bugging me. Because that really isn't the reason.

Well the general idea is that if an assassin takes a lover, marriage is usually too risky, is that they train them just enough to be able to defend themselves, and do their absolute best to not draw attention to them. Mom's unusual that way, and she's not always the best at covering her tracks, so...I don't even know. And you're right, most of the world just doesn't make sense.

That's actually a good comparison, now that I think about it. He's probably as graceful as a swan too, when he's using the wakizashi. It's a very unusual weapon for an assassin to use, since it's hard to conceal, but it looks right for him. And you'd better not attack my dad, or I will attack you back. Hmm...that makes sense, in a fictional way. But I don't believe in the strings of fate. I don't like the idea of being chained to one possible future.

I was _not_. And I will keep saying so until you get it. And yes, the smilie faces would look very dumb next to the normal writing. Why does the world even have them? They serve no purpose.

Well she mostly uses them because she doesn't like weapons, and she does need something to protect herself, and at least if someone breaks in, she can take care of them quickly from the shadows. So the piano wires are her weapon of choice for that. Mom uses fans above all else, Dad has his wakizashi, Hokuto uses needles that are sewn into her clothes, and are often poisoned, Kotori uses piano wires, Fuuma has a scalpel, and Seishirou uses knives as his primary choice, but he's good enough that he doesn't need to specialize with one weapon. Which is unfair, but good. And yes, sometimes there simply is no choice.

I will do my best to stop her from doing _stupid_ things at least.

Haha! I succeeded in something at least. Not the nightmare parts though, but Doubt! is a good manga, and short enough to read in an hour. And Kuroshitsuji is still ongoing, so it's probably going to get darker as it does go. Why didn't you like the anime adaptation after reading the manga? Ah yes, you're finally learning there.

Well if you can find where I keep them, I will congratulate you, because you'd have to be really clever to find them.

Precisely.

Coax her into the carrier with cat treats? Also, that's fantastic. I don't mind if you have to work sometimes though, since I guess that you getting a week's vacation three months into having a job comes with a couple strings attached. I'll be working anyway at some points, so you might as well have something else to do for when I can't hang out with you. Oh, do you have any questions about things that you might want to prep for?

Hmm...well now that I think about it...I don't even know what to ask. Damn it, now I feel dumb.

Don't feed her before you take her on? She'll be hungry and grumpy, but she'll have less in her stomach to throw up. I know it sucks that she gets so motion sick, but you don't really have any way to leave her safely at home, do you?

I actually can barely wait.

Sakurazuka Kamui


	8. Keiichi to Kamui - 4

So I have a cold of evil proportions that is eating all of my writing energy with snot, but I have at least one more chapter finished before I have to actually work through the sneezing. Hopefully I'll be cleared up by then!

Also it's snowing, evil snow...

* * *

Two and a half weeks now!

I...uh...crap? I...suppose that explains a lot. She is getting very round now, and she doesn't want to have her stomach touched at all. I really hope that what kittens she does have will be old enough to ride on the train safely, because I'm _not_ leaving her at home by herself. I suppose that this is what I deserve for not getting her spayed earlier, although it can be pretty expensive to get a female cat spayed. I suppose this is why you told me it would be smarter to get a tom cat, but...You are right on how it will be easier to get Mom to get a cat now.

I guess that's good. Now I'm trying to guess how your room is set up, but that's a lot less stressful than my previous imaginings. And my imagining didn't have green eyes, so that helps too. I _probably_ won't be scared of him when I meet him if he's as nice as you make him sound, but...your mom is a different story...

What does the kanji say? Perhaps he prefers it because it's considered a more honorable blade?

I will do my best. However, if you talk to her the way you usually do to new people, I can't guarantee that I can do anything to change her mind. So keep that in mind for when you inevitably meet her. Because you'll have to come see me at some point!

Wow. That actually sounds like a more reasonable weapon for an assassin to have. She can hide them in plain sight, because of what they are. And if she's like what she sounds like, they're a good weapon for her. She has enough of them to have favorites? I've never seen a fan dance, is she good at it? _Thank you_.

I think I will...do my best to stay on your sister's good side. That's really all I can find the words for. Oh wait, also I can see why you tend to talk about her in (what seems like) equal amounts fear and reverence when she's like that.

I'm not trying to be smart! I swear! How did she fend him off without getting you even angrier, if you were considering castration as a viable option? And don't you have to castrate a boy in order to get a...castrato? Is that the singing term? As powerful as the threat is, I think that they work better when they are actually logically possible. -is weird-

Well by the time that you probably do inevitably snap and run, I'll be able to actually support two people and however many cats I have by that time, so it works out well, doesn't it? And they only shrivel up and die because you don't bother to actually water them consistently enough.

That's pretty unique. Although I guess considering the fact that your mother is the one with the job and he's the one who stayed at home to raise the kids, at least it's an even swap. And since they both sound happy with the arrangement, who am I to judge? Although in that case, since your mother doesn't sound exceptionally motherly, I will concede that it is creepy when she's doing your father's role for him, since you're not expecting it. Also, you could use a few more mothers in your life. At least _my_ mom thinks so.

I will hope for you too.

That's excellent! I really can't wait to hear all about it. They sound like good kids who want to learn, and if Nataku's ready to learn how to try and communicate with other people in other places and he _wants _to learn, then he needs all the help he can get, doesn't he? As long as you're patient with them, I see no reason why it wouldn't work out for the best.

I can understand that easily. I would get annoyed if you brought up a quirk of mine every letter just because you could.

Yup, she got temporarily promoted to cook when the only cook on that day managed to slice open his hand very badly, and since he had to go to the hospital, she took over the cooking, and managed to be so productive in the time between him hurting himself and the manager and the cook who was supposed to be off that day coming in to help, that she was promoted right off the bat properly. She's very thrilled by it all, and, from what I've heard, doesn't seem to have a problem with weird new orders if customers are feeling persnickety.

Yes I do, for the most part, but I'm not going to ask her just yet. Right now she's only just really getting into the swing of working as consistently as she is and I'm not going to halt that progress with a pet just yet. I wish Dad was still around...

There are many large differences between throwing paper and throwing pencils, one of which is that unlike paper, pencils can actually move without being crumpled/folded in on themselves, and pencils hurt when making contact with someone else.

I'll have to get back to you on that last bit, but lessee. Yatouji-san is shorter than you, has dark hair that's cropped short at the front and the beginnings of a much longer ponytail in the back, she wears really large glasses to correct her rather significant farsightedness, she's an only child (like me) whose father went and committed suicide when a rather lucrative stock exchange went sour and he lost most all of his money (she was quite happy to extrapolate on this particular piece, so don't worry), and her mother died of illness when she was young. Kanoe-san became her legal guardian after that, and it's why Yatouji-san works there, since she doesn't like most of humanity and doesn't want to be in a business where she has to deal with them all the time. She tends to be very cold and precise, but she _does_ have a warmer side under it all, and really does care about Kanoe-san and Kigai-san.

Kigai-san is maybe five-nine and blond with blue eyes, and he's practically borderline psychopathic, I swear _nothing_ sways him and he's rather detached from everything, and he's charming and smarmy and he dresses in the strangest suits (pink is a common one to see him in). He's good at what he does, but he puts no care into it, and I swear he'd be better as a lawyer because he could just calmly twist the truth to mean whatever he wants. I don't know anything about before I started working there because he's very good at twisting the subject off of him. He's like flowing water; he's impossible to catch at anything.

Kanoe-san...she's five-six and often looks taller because she wears the kind of shoes that people break their necks in, she's...stacked, and I say that because even when you aren't attracted to them, you can't help but notice, and she's very sultry. She has long dark hair and violet eyes- like you, except much darker, and she's always on top of things. All I know is that she collects snow-globes, and she has an elder sister who's albino and bed-ridden from being very weak, I think Kanoe-san said that she had several problems with her spine since birth and she's very small and harmless. She has a picture of her sister on her desk, and aside from her snow-globe model of Tokyo Tower (the one that broke that I wrote you about a while back) is the only personal thing she has on her desk. Sometimes she comes off as a bit of a vamp, but if the way she takes care of Yatouji-san and her sister, she must not be that bad instead.

And those are my coworkers! Maybe they come off as rather odd, but they're actually good people- well, the jury's still out on Kigai-san, but I like them and their oddities.

That's true, since you're always grumpy. The people who usually are cheerful and kind are the scariest when they're angry. And I'm starting to wonder if you're in denial there...

Oh. That actually makes sense, kinda. It still makes more sense to me if two assassins get together, but I can see why at least getting married is pretty dangerous. And if the stories about your mother that you've told me are even half true...

Don't worry, I will never attack your dad. I'm really not the killing type, I promise you that. A wakizashi would be a very unusual weapon for anyone to use, it's old and uncommon, and definitely has an aura of history about it. And it's not so easy to use. Your father must have gone to a lot of work to learn how to use it very well. And on the strings of fate thing...I get why you don't like it, but I like to believe that _some _things are certain, and that not everything is left up to chance.

Probably to try and defuse any passive-aggressiveness that people spout, and yet they only serve to actually heighten the fact that they _are_ being passive-aggressive and nasty and a smilie does nothing. Although I've heard of a couple of people who use smilies to communicate with the other that they're okay, and a lack of them means 'Please ask me what's wrong, because I can't just say it on my own', so I guess they serve at least _a _purpose to the right people.

I...didn't need to know that. Great, your family all has different weapons, which means that NOTHING in your house is safe! Especially not your family themselves, considering that the only one of those that can't be concealed is your father's. Come to think about it, you didn't mention your preference in there. Do you also use knives above all else?

I wish you luck, because I doubt you'll succeed in that. She is an adult, she's allowed to make her own decisions and mistakes, and you can't always protect her.

Mostly because I felt like there was less ambiguity on Ciel and Sebastian's parts, because while we know that in any other story that they'd be villains, there is something ambiguous about the whole thing in the manga, about Ciel's reasons under it all, and Sebastian's motivations, that the anime seemed to lack. I guess you are right in that some things really are the best in their original form. The manga is far more gruesome though. Doubt! is scary, and you should remember that.

Should I prepare to start looking when I go to visit you? Only with your permission, of course.

I'm thinking that I might just set it up as a place where she feels safe if she _is _about to have kittens, so that would make things a lot easier. And as long as your family isn't scaring me too badly, I think I'll be able to work in peace when you're not there. I'm not going to interrupt your job by asking too many questions. No, I don't think I have any questions other than...is your entire family okay with this? With me coming for a week and staying in their home?

Keep thinking, I'm sure something will come to mind.

I may not have a choice, see above reason. At the worst, I'll have to clean out her carrier when we get there. And no, I don't. Because if she's good enough at sneaking out when I'm there to make sure that she's not wiggling open that one window that doesn't lock properly, then I'm definitely not going to be able to leave her at home. At least your home doesn't have broken windows, does it?

Only two and a half weeks to go!

Segawa Keiichi


	9. Kamui to Keiichi - 5

Life is life, the only change is it's getting colder.

* * *

Two weeks, am I actually counting down? And responding quickly?

Oh god. If you bring kittens here, none of them will come home. Dad loves cats, and I'm sure that tiny kittens will just make him completely melt. And Seishirou will be very jealous of all of that attention that they're getting, but he can handle it. More seriously, make sure that you're not traumatizing them too much. I guess a week and a half or so (if my count is right) might be enough that they won't die if you take them out of the house, but I don't know for certain. I'll have to do some research...if you don't feel like doing it yourself that is.

Desk faces the door and is in the middle of the room, bed's up against the far corner, so that anyone who comes through the door will not make it to my bed before I can respond, and the only window has bars on it. Probably slightly overkill, but it takes a lot longer to break quietly through those bars than it does through a window. Dresser's always right next to the window, I can push it in front if we go into a house lockdown, closet is blocked by my bed and is painted to look like just the wall and I can slide and lock it with me inside if I need to be. Bedside table has knives strapped to the side and the alarm clock has a panic button should someone start breaking in that wakes up everyone else. There is enough space to place a cot between my desk and my bed, which is where you'll be sleeping. And also I have a table where I toss all of my random crap when I don't feel like putting it away. And if you're scared of mom, you're just being smart. Trust me.

I don't actually know. Some of it's probably not used commonly any more. I can ask him if you're curious though. Yeah, that makes sense. He has strange ideas about honor. It's probably what keeps him sane.

Yes I will. Because I'll have to actually do all of the arranging to get Nekoko spayed for you. I just know it.

Yeah, it is pretty much. Hokuto's are also good, because no one's going to look twice at a woman sewing, and she does a lot of that, and she's really good at subtle killing when she wants to be. Mom has...seventeen fans I think? She doesn't use two of them any more, since they're the ones that she murdered her family with, and she seems to think that they're cursed, either that or she has a different reason for tying them up in fancy paper and hiding them in the bedframe. And she has another two that are only used for poison assassinations because the base has some kind of snake venom and the tips can excrete it when flipped open, so those aren't very practical for everything, but that still leaves her another thirteen to cause trouble with. Fan dances are very beautiful when she does them. Especially since she does them in untied kimono with a black shirt and dance pants underneath and often at sunset. And she's really good at being able to move with them without the slightest danger of hurting herself. Maybe if you're lucky, she'll do one while you're visiting.

Yup, otherwise I would be slain dead.

She creeped him by talking yandere at him. It's hard to not be scared of her when she opens her mouth and says in the cutest voice that you can imagine "The voices in my head say that if you keep harassing me, that we should tie you up and bleed you until you have nothing left, and then feed you to the birds.". The guy ran off. I even almost felt sorry for him. And I think it's a castrato, but I don't feel like it's necessary to go look it up. I just thought it was a good threat to make good on.

Technicalities again. Haven't I told you what happens when people use logic on me? Well I'm guessing you'll still just have the one because Dad will completely melt over the kittens and since Mom melts when Dad gets all melty, we'll be keeping a lot of cats around. And knowing my luck, they'll all sleep on _my_ bed.

Oh they're both very happy. Dad's kind of fragile at the core, he can only handle so many things before he just shatters, and it's a lot better that he doesn't have to do a job that would regularly eat away at his ability to cope with anything. Mom actually takes care of us when she has time, but...she's well known as an assassin who does get the job done and isn't afraid to go to any lengths that she has to to get it done, so she's asked for more difficult cases. Which runs the risk of giving Dad ulcers or worse with worry, but he has us to take care of him. Even Seishirou. Although Fuuma and Hokuto are the best at actually pinpointing his moods, they're the only ones who seem to more innately connect with his careful dodging.

Thank you. Honestly.

Well I went there finally, for what was supposed to be an hour, but was closer to two and a half. I actually spent the first hour talking to their grandfather in english (his idea, get them thinking that it's a good idea to learn it) where he would then translate into japanese for Kazuki, who would translate into sign language for Nataku, who would answer and the whole thing would go back around. Then I got Kazuki to answer me in japanese by asking her if she'd ask Nataku how to sign their names, and then deliberately got them backwards. I doubt that any of them were expecting me to get Kazuki to seriously talk of her own accord on the first day, and she did lecture me (while signing, quite the skills to keep her little fingers moving that quickly) about getting their signs wrong and how _obvious_ it was and then she called me an idiot.

I'm going back actually tomorrow, I was only going to work once a week at first, but I think that they do need more interaction than that. Nataku's already trying to teach me sign language, he has to be pretty lonely that a lot of people don't even try to learn.

Precisely. I really don't mind it every so often though.

Well that's great. I'm very glad for her, even if I can sympathize with the customers being creeped by her cheerfulness. Seriously, how _do _you two stay so cheerful all the time?

I do too, he was a good presence to have around. Ah well, you can give her one of Nekoko's kittens when they're old enough. That will solve the problem, you'd have to wait until they're at least two months old to separate them, and at least four if you really want them to be completely well socialized.

True. But pencils are more fun to throw, they're less unpredictable, and they are less likely to stick to things when they've had spit applied to them. And they are excellent revenge for spitballs, and always will be.

Wow. Did she have anything to do with the stock exchange failing, or was this before the credit ruining times? Her hairstyle sounds...odd, but I guess I can't really talk when Hokuto and Dad have the same haircut, and Mom's hair regularly almost drags on the ground. But why does she want to be a surgeon if she doesn't like people? It _does_ require saving their lives on a regular basis.

Yikes. I don't think I like him very much. And why pink? Even Seishirou would find him annoying after thirty seconds with this description.

And that's...an interesting boss there. And...it's a little creepy that she looks kind of like me? Why did you tell me that? It is sweet that she takes care of her sister though, that's nice and humanizing.

...Now I'm going to go and do a criminal digging on "Kigai-san" to see just what skeletons he has buried in his closet, because clearly no one who you describe like that is any good. Work work work, but this is why I have a computer. To do stuff like this. Mom taught me how, I didn't know she even knew how to use a computer. But I guess it makes sense. I'll let Yatouji and Kanoe be though.

Shh! No discussions about me being in denial. None. But you're right on the cheerful and kind are scariest when they're angry, since most people aren't more scared of me when I'm mad than they are when I'm just in an all right mood. But when Dad, or Hokuto, or Kotori, or Fuuma get mad, everyone ducks for cover.

They're _all_ true. I know so, because she doesn't see the point in lying about such things. Oh, the details I never wanted to hear, and all the scars from her describing everything, including the embarrassing stuff. She just has no shame when it comes to talking about _everything_. I'll agree with you that it makes more sense for two assassins to be together if they're in the business, but I have no plans ever marrying an assassin or being one, so I won't marry one. And I'm going to make sure that Kotori doesn't either, since she kind of doesn't need any more blood in her life.

Yes, all of those are true. Sometimes Dad does things that could be called blade dances, he uses it in such ways that he _could_ slice up everything in the room and yet everything's undisturbed at the end of it. It would make him blush if you called it a blade dance though, he's quite shy about it. You place more faith in something caring than I do.

Well I understand that purpose, provided that it's kept in private messages between the two. It would get annoying in a hurry if they did it in public spaces where everyone can see. But you mean it's a little like a code between them, to continually reassure the other than they're okay. Which is kinda sweet.

Nope, I have a weapon that's different than everyone else's too. And if you're very good, _maybe_ I'll even tell you what it is. Or you could start guessing. And you're absolutely right, nothing in our house is safe. Except perhaps for the basement, that's safe for us. Not for anyone else though.

I'll do my best. Because that's what I do. Also because my worst fears have been confirmed. If I spontaneously die while you're visiting, it's because she took offense to me lecturing her.

I do remember that. But it isn't that scary. I've played scarier games and read scarier books (and now you know what I do in my spare time) I do actually agree with you on Ciel and Sebastian. Also I don't like what they did with Lizzie.

You have my permission, but only when I'm there to supervise. I don't want you losing an eye from any booby traps lying around...

That will help a lot I'm sure, and if she's more used to thinking of it as a safe space, as long as you don't put your hands inside, you'll be fine there. They're fine with it. Well, Seishirou's been a bit grumpy lately, but that may be because Mom told him off for breaking things in the kitchen so Dad would supervise his fixing it and decided that Dad would go do something else instead and she would supervise, but otherwise everyone's really fine with it.

I can't even remember what I was supposed to keep thinking about.

No, no broken windows. Any broken windows are first blocked by furniture, then fixed back to full strength within hours of the initial break. Mom takes our house being secure very seriously.

Not that long now.

Sakurazuka Kamui


	10. Keiichi to Kamui - 5

So I'm going between computers again, so it'll be a while before the next chapter. Sorry!

* * *

Now it's only half a week, I'm the one doing the long delays...

Well, I'm bringing kittens with me. Four of them in fact. They were born almost a week ago, hence the delay, and while Nekoko's taken well to the carrier, she's become quite aggressive about protecting them. If she's in a really bad mood, she won't even let me in my own room. But when she does, usually all four of her babies are curled up against her stomach, and either suckling or sleeping, and she's taking good care of all four. I guess I'll just have to make sure that they're in a safe place when I come to see you. Is your floor extremely booby-trapped?

Yikes. That's...pretty detailed in how your room is laid out. It actually sounds comfortable in a very defensive way, but I don't think I'd want things so closed off. I can see why you would though. Is there room for a cat carrier in there, about two feet long, a foot and a half tall, roughly a foot and a half wide, where no one's going to step on it in any way shape or form?

And now that I think of it, is there anyone in _your_ family who isn't scared of your mother?

I kind of am, yes. I would like to know what it says, it sounds quite interesting. I guess you could just tell me while I'm there though. Strange ideas about honor? What do you mean?

I can do it, I just hadn't really thought I'd have to because she was an indoor cat. I guess that backfired on me.

I...really hope I'm not lucky then, I don't think I'd survive it. It does sound very beautiful, but...also terrifying. Also that's a lot of fans. I guess I can see why she'd need so many though.

I don't think I would like it if that happened.

Yikes! I would run away too if the girl I was talking to suddenly did _that_. And I thought your choice in manga was scary. Clearly, it must not be scary to you because your reality is far more terrifying than anyone's imagination. I guess I can understand that, but threats sound better when they have the right meaning behind them.

You have. You also conveniently told me that I'm immune to it the time that Sakura-kun and Tachibana-kun took you out to get drunk. And I'm never letting you get that drunk again, you're very scary that way. And I'm still not telling you everything you did, at this point I value my safety more than satisfying your frustration. That does sound like it'll be your luck though, although I don't think Nekoko is willing to part with her kittens yet. Out of curiosity, have you never had a pet?

I'm glad that they are happy, that's good to hear. I hope your father doesn't get an ulcer though, that doesn't sound like it would be good for your family's general sanity at all. Huh, odd that it's just your sister and brother who can understand when he's dodging, perhaps it's because they have more similar personalities?

You're welcome. Just as honestly. Have a few dozen invisible smilies.

That's wonderful! I'm glad that it went so well for you. Was she surprised when you got her talking, or was it just the other two? Could Nataku tell that she was talking? Did you actually learn how to sign anything while you were there? What are they like? Have I asked you too many questions yet?

So you're working...two, three times a week right now? I'm glad that both of the children seem to like you, it's great for all three of you that you're working together.

Okay then. (insert more smilies just to make it not sound rude or anything)

Uh...by smiling and being cheerful? Seriously, we're just happy, so we can keep smiling. Is that very creepy?

A good idea anyway, since her birthday is in four months. And she already knows about the kittens, even though Nekoko doesn't let her into my room either, but she thinks it's cute how protective Nekoko is being right now.

True. But pencils are more fun to throw, they're less unpredictable, and they are less likely to stick to things when they've had spit applied to them. And they are excellent revenge for spitballs, and always will be.

This was before the credit ruining times, she wasn't really mentally mature enough to recognize how to hurt him that way, or so she says anyway. It's odd in writing, but it looks kinda nice in reality. It adds some personality to her face. Also she has enormous glasses, because she's very nearsighted, I think I forgot to add that in last time. Your mother's hair is long enough to drag on the ground? That's...very long. What kind of haircut do your father and sister have then? Hmm...good question. I think she likes the concept of having power, and I _know_ she hates it when people die when they could be saved. It's an interesting quirk of hers. If she could do something to control the outcome, she'd even save the life of the person she hated most.

Yikes. I don't think I like him very much. And why pink? Even Seishirou would find him annoying after thirty seconds with this description.

Uhh...don't know why the pink, I _think_ it's because people are less likely to take him seriously that way. He's an interesting man, he tries very hard to come off as completely shallow and like someone who's of no consequence, but there's a hint of hidden depths. Still waters run deep and all that. He's okay really, even when he's pretending to be brainless. I suppose he's kind of like the guy that used to try and make sure you were eating and stuff in college. What was his name? I know it had the kanji for sky in it, but I can't remember exactly what it was...

You both have black hair and violet eyes and a lack of tolerance for idiots. That's all the resemblence there. She is very...voloptuous...which you aren't. I've never met her sister, I've just seen a picture of her on Kanoe-san's desk. She's smaller than you are, and has reddish eyes and white hair, and a sweet smile. I feel kind of bad for her, if she's bedridden, then there's not really a chance that she's ever had a chance to go out and live her own life.

Your mother knows how to use a computer? Well enough to dig up information on people who are very well hidden? Huh, that's interesting. Well I wish you luck and if you find something that's really bad, let me know, but otherwise please _don't_?

That's because no one can tell the difference between when you're in a good mood, and when you're not at a first glance because they can look exactly the same. (insert winky smilies here) But I agree there, the people who are usually happy and gentle are the most terrifying when pushed to their limits.

I'm...very sorry that you had to learn all of that. My sympathies truly go to you Kamui, that has to be pretty terrifying to hear that. Good luck to both you and your sister in your endeavors to find someone who isn't an assassin.

That sounds pretty interesting. I have seen a few sword dances before, and they are absolutely gorgeous when done with the right music and the right...grace I think is the word I want. How many times has he done them? Do I, really? I think you care a lot more than you let on, and put more faith than you'd admit.

Yes it is. And from what I can tell, they mostly don't talk where other people can see unless their messaging systems are hacked, so it's very unlikely that anyone else would see. It is effective too, from what I heard between them. An interesting method of communication for a medium that lacks anything other than words.

Why did you have to tell me that? Okay, freak out moment aside, I do actually get that it's good for you to tell me so that I don't kill myself horribly in your house. Hmm...I do want to try and guess, so umm...it's not going to be a sword, or fans, or knives, or needles, or piano wire...is it a club? Or (knowing you) some kind of explosive?

Your worst fears? What kind of worse fears? I assume it's something to do with Hokuto-san growing up without your say-so, but I have no clue what you mean.

Yes I do. And Doubt is terrifying, because you don't know why the things are happening until the end. How is that not scary? Have you read what's been happening recently with Lizzie, speaking of her? That was _awesome_.

...Thanks for the warning.

Well she isn't letting me into my room when I'm not either feeding her or going to bed, because she's still being very protective of that space, but yeah, I think it's helping. Oh good. I do hope that Seishirou-san calms down before I get there though.

Me either, actually. I suppose this is why we should look through the older letters, but...that's work. I do like looking through the old ones that you send me.

I can tell that she does. Have you had broken windows before? I can see why blocking them with tall furniture would be effective until they can be fixed though.

Not that long now.

Why don't you just reply after I go back home, it's going to be less than a week before I come anyway, and it would be a little silly to write a letter to me while I'm there.

Counting down the hours (like the silly person I am)

Segawa Keiichi


	11. Kamui to Keiichi - 6

So this fic has officially earned the status of "Will never be forgotten, but will only be worked on as I have the energy," due to the fact that real life is getting realer and I just have more things that I need to do on average. But at least my posting schedules will never be as bad as Clamp's!

* * *

I suppose it's a good thing I waited till you were going back to write this, since I wouldn't be able to sum up that delightful clusterfuck of a week just so that you have written proof from someone besides me that it was _crazy. _Although you aren't showing these to anyone other than Nekoko and the brats, right?

The kittens were very, very cute, I've never seen such young ones before. I'm glad that Nekoko warmed up to me pretty early on, I don't want to figure out how I would explain more cat scratches on my face to Nataku and Kazuki, even though they'd be fascinated. And no, not really, but now you've seen that.

Well...since we managed to shove it between the desk and your cot, I suppose the answer is yes? Anyway, do you still think that it's closed off? I mean, _maybe _it is, but I wouldn't think so. More like you keep your room way too easy for anyone to get through.

_Possibly_ Kotori, and I don't think that Dad is actually scared of her any more, but otherwise, no. Everyone sane, and at least most people on the other side are terrified of her. With good reason. Actually, now that I think about it, since somehow we didn't talk about it, are you scared of her now still?

It was a very interesting meaning. I must say, it never quite occurred to me to just ask Dad what it said, and don't laugh, after twenty-two years around them, the things that occur to normal people just don't seem sensible. And...well you've met him now, I don't need to explain still, do I?

Yes it did. Not as badly as it might have, but yes. Yes it did.

Did you survive it, or did you secretly become a zombie while I wasn't paying attention? Yeah, she does need a lot. Although I think that mostly she collects them because she likes pretty things. Now _that's _a family trait, and make no mistake. Probably, if it weren't for the family business, there would be no free space in the house because everyone would bring home shiny stuff and make it a total mess. Which would be very annoying.

Me either. I like being alive, and I wouldn't make a very good zombie. I'd spend too much time complaining to eat any brains.

Really? I mean, even though Kotori could do it, she doesn't look like it. Besides, she wouldn't. She's too sweet. It's Hokuto or Mom who you want to watch out for if they make that face and tell you that, because you won't even make it home before they've made good on their threats. Oh you, always trying to give me good reasons to do my research. I'm not doing it, and don't give me that 'okay' face, you'll make me feel bad.

Not fair! I demand answers! Right now! Why do you not tell me? I _promise_ you won't wake up with a knife in your ear, that was just the hangover talking. And you being immune to what I do when people use logic...well you're just lucky that way. It doesn't look very good on my rep if I behead the logic users who happen to be my best friend when they use that power on me. And no I haven't really. Nekoko is the closest I've gotten to it. And the kittens, now. But no normal pets. Even though I'm sure Dad would love having one. He just communicates better with animals than most people.

No it really wouldn't. He's the one who keeps us from completely imploding in an explosion that would probably take out the entirety of the world. Family loyalty? What is this myth you speak of? The only reality for this family is that the last one standing would also be dead in a few short minutes after we're done with the bloodshed. Well you dodged Hokuto, so you didn't see how she and Dad aren't that alike when it boils down to it, but yeah, Fuuma and Dad are pretty alike, all quiet and self-sacrificing and very, very dangerous if you hurt someone they care about. I think Hokuto's just psychic and forgot to tell the rest of us.

Lessee, she wasn't surprised at all, and Nataku couldn't hear, but her grandfather was practically stunned beyond belief. And once he signed to Nataku what was going on, he hugged her tightly. According to what Nataku wrote to me while I was coming up with words for him to learn, was that he's always wanted her to go out and be a normal kid since he can't, and he was worried that she hadn't learned how to talk on her own without signs, but there were times once she got started where her hands were still (and once she started talking, it was almost impossible to get a word in edgewise.) And I picked up sit down and sit still, both used multiple times by Nataku on Kazuki once she started bouncing about. They're pretty simple. And Kazuki showed me the sign for her name, and Nataku's name, and their dog's name, which is apparently "Doggiebutt". Trust a five year old to have strange names for their pet. And you haven't asked too many yet, but you're working on it, aren't you?

Three days a week, mostly weekdays right now. I might end up working more if it turns out that I'm more useful to them. Or get a second job with another family to fill up the time. Surprisingly, after so much school, I'm not used to occupying myself for many hours alone. Or with Seishirou and Fuuma, who are actually mutually displeased with something, not that they've made it clear just _what_ they're displeased about. Twins.

Are you worried that I would take offense?

It's not the part where you're happy and cheerful that's creepy, it's the part where it _doesn't stop. Ever. _Even Kotori has moments where she's frowny and sad. And Dad doesn't smile all the time either, even though he's really happy too.

Nekoko has clearly learned how to be a mother from swans. If she bit any harder, I would not have my finger any more. Four months...that will be a little long, her kitten will be pretty much a cat by then, but oh well.

…Did you spend a lot of time thinking about the physics and reasons to throw pencils at things or have I just corrupted you?

I will take your word for it, I haven't seen her yet. I'm not sure I believe her that she didn't do it, but there's no way that I would be able to find out without extreme coercion. But as long as she leaves you be, extreme coercion won't be necessary. You've seen my mom's hair now, so you understand. She ties it up in those falls so that it's not quite on the ground, but when she's freshly out of bed, it's still dragging. Dad loves it, and he helps her brush it when it gets tangled. It is sweet when he does it, she closes her eyes and looks peaceful and not threatening. Sometimes I forget that for all of her scariness, she really does love him. And as you saw on Dad, he and Hokuto both have pixie cuts, short and cute. I'm not quite sure why they felt they needed to match, but they could pass for twins if no one knew that they were actually father and daughter. That _is _an interesting quirk. I'm not sure if it's good or bad.

Sorata...he still emails me every day and alternates between fussing, being an idiot about that one girl, and then just being an actual cool guy. I wish he would stick to the last instead of all three. I can keep up with him when he's just being cool. He can't do math though, so that makes him suck. Or something like that.

I would never _want_ to be voluptuous, it sounds like a very painful lifestyle for one's back. Also, I don't want to be any more like her than I am, although the ways that we resemble each other right now are okay...I guess. Maybe. That is a bit sad, but maybe she's the kind of person who's content with the life that she has?

Oh don't worry, I won't even tell you, I'll just take a knife or two and solve the problem if it's bad. Anyway, yes, Mom knows how to use a computer well, and she even enjoys it. Although recently her computer skills have mostly been used in hacking up the Sims...Mom is weird.

Oh yes. _Never __**ever**_ make Dad or Kotori mad. The last person who really made Dad mad got beheaded in one clean stroke. Of course, this was well before the twins were around, so as I'm sure you can imagine, it's also quite rare. And I don't think I've ever seen Kotori more than slightly annoyed.

Well Kotori probably has better luck than I do cause she's just about on her way to college and she's better at talking to people than I am. Which is slightly unfair, but there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it. Of course, any and all boyfriends that she brings home will have to pass a family inspection...or else. None of us are going to let her be hurt by an asshole.

Not very many, just a few. He's shy, and so it's hard to get him to perform at all. As you saw, even all four of us kids asking couldn't get him to do it. Which is too bad, cause he does have that grace, and he doesn't even need music to show it off. Well I'm not answering that, cause I have a reputation of mystery and assholery to keep up.

That does sound very interesting, and pretty nice. Nowadays, it's really hard to keep something from being read by someone else. The most effective ways to do it are to write things down on paper and hide them very securely, and even that only works if someone isn't looking for it. Don't you just _love_ paranoia fuel?

Guess what Keiichi...it's one of the one's that you mentioned above, actually. And you were indeed surprisingly good at not killing yourself in my house! Clearly you have some innate assassin dodging skills or something.

Hokuto getting involved with someone who I don't know and can't inspect cause she's far away. That's what it is. Not that it's my _worst _worst fears, but you get the point.

It was pretty awesome. I wasn't actually expecting that, but when I thought about it, it made perfect sense with her character and was actually really, really good. And Doubt isn't scary because there are plenty scarier things that are around besides killers.

No problem!

Well you were around him this whole last week, I hope he wasn't _too_ horrible to you, it kinda sucks when I'm not always there to make him back off from being annoying. He was being kinda clingy while you were here, I wonder why. It's not like he usually likes me or anything. Has Nekoko started letting you use your room properly yet?

I do too. I have them all hidden in my desk, so that certain conniving little brothers can't steal them and be asses about it.

A couple of times. Surprisingly, they've actually always been broken by benign forces, or at least as benign as falling trees and storms can be. And even then, it was first just Hokuto's room, then Mom and Dad's, both of which were fixed in less than a week.

Not that long now.

And now you have come and gone. I guess now the onus is on me to show up the next time that I want to see you?

Sometimes you can say _exactly_ what I'm thinking. Which is very nice of you, it means that I have to do less thinking in general.

Yes, you are indeed very silly. And that is something that I don't dislike about you.

Sakurazuka Kamui.


	12. Keiichi to Kamui - 6

You'd have thought that I'd have finished this sooner, since I've found a way to get a lot of writing done, especially since I broke my ankle and am there confined to sitting on comfy couches by computers all day, but no...I had to get distracted by every single other writing project I have going, as well as a video game that absolutely terrifies me.

Oh well, at least I'll probably get some more stuff finished up very soon.

* * *

Nope, not even them. These letters are just for us, I promise. Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I showed off the things that you wrote to other people. I agree on how crazy that week was...I'd ask how on earth you came out of it sane, but after watching your fork duel with Fuuma-san, I'm not sure that sane is applicable to you any more.

Yes I have. She's gotten a little less possessive since I got back, something that I think is helped by the fact that the kittens (two of which have actually been given names now) have learned how to go down the stairs, but not back up, so they sit at the bottom and mewl until she carries them back up, just so they can run back down again. She's probably too tired to be threatening to me now, and I can't blame her. Although watching the look on her face as she runs back down the stairs to fetch yet another fur ball that's crying is pretty fun. I'm a horrible cat owner, aren't I?

Yes, your room is a fortress of doom for getting out of. I don't want to try and navigate it in the dark ever again. I _still_ have bruises on my hip from the corner of your desk, and that's from when I was almost avoiding it after a week! I guess I can get why you do it, you can just hide under the desk and wait for any intruders to trip over something and stab them in the gut...oh dear, I'm thinking like you now.

Is water wet? I suppose that after a certain amount of time, one would grow accustomed to her, but still...she's quite terrifying. It makes sense why she's the leader of the house, since she could shut up even the kittens when she wanted. Of course, I doubt that they'd listen forever, they are cats, and if there's one thing that cats excel at, it's being nonchalant at the strangest things.

Not really. He was very kind, and sweet. I like him, he's a good person. Not that the rest of your family isn't, but he was probably the most relaxing of them to be around, especially since I wasn't afraid of him pointing something sharp at me. Now I wonder even more why he fell in with assassination, and how he could do it.

Yes, she could have had _five _kittens instead of four, or just not come home at all.

I survived, don't worry. Not being a brain-eating monster today, it's rather hard to make it to work when I'm staggering around. You've rubbed off on me too much though, I'm picking up your sarcasm. Now _that_ I can believe, the shiny thing addiction. If I were stupider, I might suggest that it even extends to children and partners, since all of you look like you could be in a magazine or something. Even Subaru-san's eye scar doesn't make him look flawed, not in a bad way anyway.

That I can see clearly.

I'm making the 'okay' face, and you know it. (I'm just kidding, that actually made me laugh quite a bit.) I kind of wish I had managed to meet your other sister, she sounds very, very fascinating. Almost like she's actually the most like a blend of your parents.

No answers from me. You could have a kitten if you wanted one though. Maybe the little gray one? That was the only one Seishirou-san didn't threaten to kill at some point in the week, and he seemed pretty attracted to all of your family. I'm serious, I can probably only keep two of the kittens once they hit their adulthood, and so I'll have at least one left in the cold. I would offer one to the Kinomotos, but poor Sakura-san is allergic to them. I am glad that at this time, you have no intentions of beheading me. I really like my head, and I would like to keep it, please?

Yeah I noticed, he was good at getting the general mayhem to subside. Huh, I would say that by the fact that Seishirou-san (despite how much you complain about him) seems to look up to you, despite the fact that you're the same height, and definitely Fuuma-san does, so they'd protect you if it got bad, and I can't see any way that Kotori-san or your parents wouldn't protect anyone, it's just obvious that you do all care about each other. From the way you said that, I'm almost inclined to think that it's a good thing that I missed Hokuto-san, but I'm not sure. She could very well be psychic, it depends on if there's any left over magic from long ago in her bloodline. I know of a girl that has some mystical abilities with animals- more than normal for a human.

That poor dog. Of course, you're going to tell me that it isn't my comment to make, cause I named my cat Nekoko, but it's at least _somewhat_ more dignified than Doggiebutt. Wow, that's sweet, that she was talking so much. I can understand why her grandfather and brother were happy that she was, considering what else I've heard about them. What do the signs look like? I didn't get a chance to ask you what they're like, sadly.

Haha, I envy you a bit, I have no clue what it's like to be in a larger family like yours, and what it's like to be actually overwhelmed by them. I can understand that after a while, anyone can get on anyone's nerves though. What kind of hints are they dropping about being displeased by something? Maybe you could figure it out that way?

Maybe. You are you after all, even to me, you can be a bit unpredictable.

I could be frowny and sad if you wanted. I like being happy and cheerful though.

Yeah, but there's not a lot I can do about that. Besides, I'm sure that Mom would approve of a cat who isn't leaping off the curtains with energy. She's stopped the biting now, except for scolding naughty kittens now.

A little of both, actually. Considering physics is an enjoyable pastime for me, you know that.

Oh good, your version of extreme coercion is very creepy. And I don't want to wish that on even my worst enemies. Not that you'll agree with me there, but it's very, very difficult to change your mind once you stick to an idea. She did have lovely hair. I wonder how long it took her to grow it out that long. I would say (and you should not repeat this, or else I have a feeling that I would be in _deep trouble_) that the length of her hair is about the only thing that makes her look like she's in her forties, her face is very youthful still, and the fact that she's as short as you are helps her look younger. Your father looks at least ten years younger than he is too. Is that what that type of cut is called? It's rather unusual- it looks like you need either to have the right hair type that it doesn't have to be straightened and combed like that, or you need a lot of patience to put your hair back into the style every day. It is interesting, I will say. Probably your sister is the most genetically similar to your dad, if they resemble each other that much.

Well I'm glad that he's doing okay still. If Kishuu-san hasn't given up on pushing him back by now though, he should probably back off and let her be, before she kills him or something. She is a priestess, she probably knows some sort of ritual to make that happen. Really? He can't do math at all? I thought he was just bad at algebra, which to be fair, is not everyone's cup of tea.

I suppose it is. I do sort of wonder what it's like, but not enough to try by experimenting with it. I do like my own body that I'm in plenty well enough without adding things to it. They're not uncommon ways to resemble someone, so as long as you keep your personal distances in the end, you should be okay. I don't know, I haven't met her. I kind of do hope that she is, so that she isn't suffering all day.

Please-please don't tell me those things. That's really creepy. There's a difference between threatening jokily, and serious threatening. And you're slipping into the latter and it's really rather creepy. Your mother _is_ weird, if that's what she wants to do with her skills. What kind of hacking do you mean?

...you mentioned that when you did the back story info dump, didn't you? Or was there another time? Now that I've met your father, him being able to do that seems even less unlikely, and yet somehow more possible as well. He seems to be a contradiction of himself. Kotori seems to be very in control of herself, which is more relieving than you might imagine.

Oh, really? What kind of college is she going to? That might influence the kinds of people that she meets, I'm sure. If she's going somewhere with a lot of entitled athletes, she's going to have more trouble than if she goes to a college that's more specialized in things like art and such, because there are just going to be more people. But I think she can probably protect herself pretty well. I don't think that Seishirou-san would let anyone pass his test though.

I noticed that. I noticed that he did look rather uncomfortable when you were asking. Aha! My suspicions are confirmed! More seriously, you're definitely not as one-dimensionally mean as you'd like to have people suspect. You do care, about a lot of people.

No. No I really don't. Now you're going to make me have an anxiety attack. Well, not really, but you know what I mean. I don't like thinking about those things. It's maybe rather naïve, but I do like to think of things from the brighter side. Not everything is dark and cynical, and I like to keep my faith that most people are genuinely trustworthy.

Oh, so it is a fan, a sword, a knife, needles, or piano wire. Well, actually I doubt it's a fan, or piano wires, they just don't seem like your thing in any way. In fact, very little like your thing. So that leaves it as a sword, a knife (or plurals thereof), or needles. Of course, you're not going to give me any more hints after that, are you?

I do, I do. But she's actually gone into the family business, hasn't she? So she's even safer than most of your siblings? Besides, if she's half as good as you or your mother, there's probably nothing that can hurt her at all.

Oh? Like what? Because as far as I know, the paranormal is still pretty fictional. Although till I met you, I thought that assassins were also fictional, so...are the paranormal not so fictional as I hoped? Oh, I actually found a computer game you might like if you're interested and have some time. It scared the crap out of me, but it's a pretty surreal horror game.

Actually, he wasn't that bad, really. He only bothered me when you were around, and it looked more like he was trying to make me stop monopolizing your attention. In fact, now that I've met him, I'm pretty convinced that he actually looks up to you a lot and would probably love it on the inside if you paid a little attention to him without barking at him. I know that he can be annoying, but he does really look up to you. I can tell. Yes she has, although the kittens now love to ambush my feet in the middle of the night.

I suppose that's a good thing. Considering that desk, you could probably hide a body in there and no one would ever find it.

Wow, that's really surprising. I would have thought that there would have been more trouble. But I guess your parents are intimidating enough that most people don't dare try to break in any more?

Yes, yes it is. You should do it soon, probably. Maybe...maybe two months from now? During the festival? Probably a lot of our college friends will come back from wherever they went and we can see them again too then, if you'd like.

It does? Don't you still have to think to read? Or to decide how you're replying to me?

Aww, thank you. I shall stay silly for you then!

Segawa Keiichi.


End file.
